What NOT to do at Tummy Time class…

Apparently, there are a lot of unspoken rules for any type of mom & tot class. I have compiled some of the most important ones below. Some I have personally experienced, others are stories from friends, all are embarrassing.

Rule 1– IF you have a tramp stamp, don’t wear low rise jeans.

Muffin tops are ok- they say, “yep, still working on taking off that baby weight” and can be seen as a badge of honor and solidarity between you and the other moms. Tramp stamp says, “I might steal your husband because you still have a muffin top.”

Rule 2– IF you are making something for dad at craft time because he is at home with food poisoning, don’t make a joke to the mom next to you and say dad has the brown bottle flu.

If you do this, you will greatly decrease your kid’s odds of getting invited over for a play date and drop his odds of having friends over to your house to 1% (the 1% being the other mom whose husband actually IS hung over and she is there to get out of the house).

Rule 3– IF you accidentally let one rip, go ahead and blame your child.

No one will actually believe you, but it makes everyone feel more comfortable to have someone innocent to blame.

Rule 4– IF another mom discusses about how she can’t remember the last time she was so excited before joining this class…don’t say you remember your last time and state it was about three St. Patty’s Days ago before kids.

You will be branded as a party mom who doesn’t chart her kid’s poop habits up until age 6. Bad mommy.

Rule 5– IF crawling around on the floor, opt for “comfy” pants (Mom jeans? Warm ups? Who the hell knows) as opposed to a miniskirt, fishnets or 4″ stiletto hooker boots.

Do I have to explain this one?